Tits are ruining my life.

Silicon Valley.

Here is a tale of woe I wrote whilst I was away, that I thought I would share with the internet. It’s not about fashion (well maybe?) & it wont make you any prettier or your life better. With that in mind, read ahead if you dare…

In Vegas the silicone breast is the ruler of all things. Presiding high up in the stratosphere, on the upper bodies of women desperate to impress the multitude of men who flock to Vegas to spray money and view these treasure chests.

Last night we apparently had the pleasure of the company of Dennis Quaid, whom you may (not) remember from such hits as:

Vantage Point
Frequency
The Rookie
Any Given Sunday
The Parent Trap

I don’t have the exact percentage chance figures of it being him, but someone did yell out “FREQUENCY IS MY FAVOURITE MOVIE”. So lets stick with affirmative.

Now old Dennis was flocked by these treasure chested women. Hair bleached to within an inch of it remaining on their heads, botox plumped lips, silicone plumped tits, faux tan expertly applied & a bakery worth of makeup-cakes.

I think my main qualm is that none of these look au naturale. A natural looking fake breast, sure! But these look SO BAD. SO SO SO BAD AND OBVIOUSLY FAUX.

Anyway – men love them and they are ruining my life by being pressed against my face.